And then the much awaited moment arrived when she said, ‘I love you.’ The love-story wouldn’t have ended before beginning had he simply brought himself to believe her. He had done it again hadn’t he? It was just like he had done it to others before her. He cared for her too much to have her fall in love with someone like him, someone who he held in so much contempt. Had he known the basis of his own suspicion he would have been better off, but having spent most of his life away from books, he was in no position to know his own mind. When they met later and her hand was in someone else’s hand he still didn’t know what to say or what had happened between them or how to end it i.e. if there had been anything to begin with between them, he just went on staring into her eyes trying to find the traces of the love that he had once questioned. It would take him another year just to realize that he is a victim of fate like millions of other people, another year to find out that the emotional calamities he went through were because he refused to take his life in his own hands, no matter how strong were the hands that were holding it. And he would also understand that his only victory would lie in turning it around. He could only do it by not being himself any longer. That is the very definition of change is it not? In the future he would only remember himself as someone who he had met once and had had a lot of trouble with. And then he would claim the persona of remote stranger by saying, ‘I was that stranger once.’ without actually becoming him in that moment just as he was unable to become the man he is today when he had looked into her eyes with suspicion, had questioned her love and had wished to become lovable but had failed. He will know then that he is a product of his fate, and the combined fate of all the people who live in this world and it was only that doubt for her love, the hurt in his heart and the hurt he had given her that has led to the understanding that has dawned on him today. And then he will learn to love himself enough to rightfully deem himself a deserving object of affection. And then his ability to dream will be the only limit because his mind would be a place without fear.
Some famous person: ‘Our first and only love is self-love’
Namibaba: ‘Well thank God for that.’
No comments:
Post a Comment